Evan Vaisey

Jamie
What have you done to me? Why do you do that?

Private
What the hell?? Fucking crapping Merlin, it is one thing to dream, that is involuntary. I can't believe I- I mean, okay, female Jamie, she was hot, even though stupid Jamie was in there, but male Jamie? Where did he even come from? He just flickered right in there, right when I was about to-. Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have let myself think of female Jamie. It's a slippery slope. Okay, calm down Evan. It was an accident. It won't happen again. It just popped in at the end, like when you're trying not to think of pink elephants.

...

Oh god. Now I'm not going to be able to think of anything else when I wank. Shit. Shit shit shit shit.

..

What if I'm actually gay? Or bilingual or whatever the fuck it is.

I'm not. I'M NOT!


Vic
Look, I know this is a weird thing to ask of a friend and everything, but I need help here. I just want to look at your breasts. I won't touch them, I swear. I just need something to get this picture out of my head.

Leah
Hi. Do you want to hex me or something?

Jamie
DAMN YOU!

Sean
I hate you too, by the way.

Quentin
I have a question.

Hilarious.

I swear, if Ethan doesn't shut up about his girlfriend I might whack him one.

Quentin
No luck. She didn't want sex, just a nice Jewish boyfriend. I got to give her an extended hug, though, which is better than nothing. Man, why do girls feel so soft and nice?

Vic
So. Um.

What should I wear? To this party.

Seriously? That is not English. Those are not words. Is Professor Toke trying to teach me that muggles are stupid? She can't even spell her own title right.

Nice weather we're having.

William and Devon

This is stupid. No girl wants to be my friend except Loony fucking Lovegood and Cocktease Yaxley. I thought Mei might, for a minute, but it doesn't seem so. Allegra too. I haven't said anything lewd for days and I'm not getting any credit for it. At least with the old way they used to talk to me, even if it was to tell me to get lost. I'm masturbating more than ever and I keep thinking about bloody female Huggins I don't even have anything to fuel my fantasies with. It sucks. I tell you, I'm pretty close to giving up.

I didn't take them, I swear! I didn't do anything! They just fell right out of the sky onto my head like a heavenly dream.

Um.

Has anyone lost a bra or some knickers? I think they belong to different girls because the sizes look quite different. The knickers are clean, I smelt them black and the bra is blue. I'm... putting them in my bag now. Um. Look, can I hand these in to anyone? No-one wants to go and ask a boy for their pants back, right? I'm really trying here, and I think it's very unfair to put temptation in my way for this to happen now.

I'd still like female friends, please.

I know most of you will just think I'm trying to get into your knickers, and I suppose I deserve that, but I thought I have to try at least.

It has come to my awareness - please let's not mention how - that girls actually don't have it so good in many ways. Seeing things from a girl's perspective for a little while was a good learning experience, I think, and I'd like to try and learn some more, albeit rather less, um, intensely. In short, I'd like some female friends. If there are any girls who would consider it, let me know and I promise that I will make an extra special effort to keep any lewdness to myself.

Thank you.

You can all stop laughing. I'm not a girl anymore.

I thought we were all supposed to be back to normal this morning. Stupid Weasley. I might have known anyone from that family would mess it up somehow.

Private
Holy Crap I'm bleeding. I'm dying. Fuck. Fuck. Something's gone wrong with the stupid spell. I've got some sort of rupture in whatever hybrid womb-testicles set-up I've got going on in there. Must go to Madam Pomfrey. She'll know what-

Oh. Oh Merlin.

Private to boys who have changed into girls, except Jamie
Has anyone else... um. Started something.

Private to... Emily
I think I need a thing. Thing that girls use. When they bleed. Um. I couldn't think of anyone else to ask. Sorry.

I know that hormones are running high right now, but if people could keep their pdas within parameters that are not totally grotesque, I'd appreciate it.

William
Can your believe the gall of those two? I don't think I've ever been as disgusted in my whole life. I hope that's put an end to any lingering sympathy you might have had for her.

Private
Fucking fucking fucking Jamie fucking fucking Huggins. Get a fucking grip Evan. A pillock is a pillock whatever his body looks like. Ah shit. Shit shit shit.

What the fuck?

William and Devon

Does anyone know about William's and my involvement with those third years? I've been getting some really weird looks from some of the younger kids today.

William
Is Devon alright?

Well, apparently I have a talent for gobstones I never knew I had, because I came second in the tournament. Chloe Zeller came first, of course - she is so very skilled, and so very beautiful (not that the gobstones care about that, but it is so striking I thought it worth mentioning). I should start going to the club, now.

Private
Something's wrong. I don't know what, but something. I may not be exactly expert on hangovers, but I don't think a feeling of elusive dread is usually part of it. Or is it? It's not something I've heard people complaining about anyway. My stomach feels like there's a hard twisted rock in it, albeit a hard twisted rock surrounded by potential vomit. Ugh. Vomit. Don't think about vomit. Maybe it's just because I'm not used to not remembering things properly, and it's making me uneasy.

William
What the hell happened last night?

Public
Symptoms of hangovers. Go. Um, quietly. Ow.

William, Devon
Fine. You win.

William
Ginny Weasley is such a cock-blocker. I fucking hate her. There I was, this close to getting into Naomi Mundy's knickers, and up pops the stupid girl, telling Naomi I was making shit up. Well of course I'm making shit up. That's what you do to impress girls. I don't see how it's any if her business. It's not like she wants to cop a feel of Naomi Mundy's perfect arse - though that would, admittedly, be hot. Ugh. Now I'm left with nothing but my imagination and an erection the size of

So glad my trial's today. If nothing else, the house arrest is driving me slowly crazy. I've never wanted to go out so much as when I couldn't.